Suspension

Wow. It’s been a long time since I’ve written something here, eh? I refuse to think that I was busy, but in fact, I was. Although, I am not entirely sure if I was busy because of the right reasons, let’s just say that I was too preoccupied with ~life~ to write about my ~feelings~. Heh.

So what has happened the past months? I celebrated my birthday (and bought myself a bookshelf), got an award at work (awow!) and took risks, a lot of them.

I’m not sure if the risks that I took paid off or will pay off in the long run, but that’s the thing about risks, right? You take them regardless of the outcome, or else they wouldn’t be called risks! For the past years, I have been speaking of living in courage but in honesty, I have not been able to do that until recently. And you know what, stepping out of your comfort zone is liberating! At the end of the day, you could tell yourself that you tried, you may have failed, but you were brave, and that’s all that matters!

On the lighter scheme of things, I have been listening to poetry lately. Yup, LISTENING! I am a fan of poetry since forever, but not of spoken poetry until a co-worker asked me to listen to Rudy Francisco’s I Am Not a Love Poet. From there, I watched spoken poetry on YouTube, particularly Def Jam Poetry videos. I have a lot of favorites but this is the one I want to share with you. It’s called 40 Love Letters by Jeanann Verlee

You are more than I could ever put into a poem.

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Believer

Today is a holiday and I want to write about a lot of things but it seems that I can’t organize them into coherence. I’ve deluded myself into thinking that I’m being productive during the past days but in reality I’m just being preoccupied. I’ve sort of fallen into the routine of things and I am not happy about it. Work-catch a movie-hangout with friends-read a book-eat out. Nothing is exciting and I am thirsty for adventure.

This will end up as a sad entry, so I am leaving you with…

Take a picture you could never recreate

I want to write about music but, of all the topics, I think music is the hardest to write about. Anyhoo, here is an attempt!

Music is my first passion. I started listening to music during my early childhood days, and up to now, I am still a big fan of music. I mean, who isn’t? Who didn’t get kilig over Eraserhead’s With a Smile? Who didn’t belt their throats out over Heart’s Alone? Who didn’t sing along with the karaoke over Backstreet Boy’s I Want It That Way?

There are so many cliche’s about music, but I think you and I would both agree that music connects, music speaks to us. (Ha! Still a cliche!) Whenever I travel with friends, one of the highlights of our trip is singing our hearts out to what is playing on the stereo. I also like playing DJ whenever we go on a roadtrip. Mostly, I play OPM songs because that is what most of us can relate to, but, nothing beats boyband songs to get everybody in a singing mood. Ha ha. Also, for our iPod (which is in shuffle, btw) to play the song that exactly describes what we’re feeling as of the moment, that is considered to be one of life’s simplest pleasures, right?

So why did I want to write about music? Primarily because, I want to share with you my excitement (or fangirling) about my latest LSS, that is, Atlas Genius’ Trojans.

What I like most about this song is, first, the melody. I was being reflective on the kind of music that I like and I decided that I like the kind that makes me want to dance. Perfect example: Sandwich’s Procrastinator. Very unlikely because it is a rock song, yes? I might write about that, later.

The next (and last) thing that I like about this song is the lyrics. Very predictable things to like in a song. He he.

Take a look
Hesitate
Take a picture you could never recreate
Write a song
make a note
for the lump that sits inside your throat

Fits my personality much, eh? Then we go for the killer.

Take it off
Take it in
Take off all the thoughts of what we’ve been

Change the locks, change the scene
Change it all but can’t change what we’ve been

Basically, I love everything about the lyrics, but if I post all of it, that wouldn’t make much sense. So, to sum it up, I like this song A LOT because it is a sad song, with an upbeat melody! How oxymoronic! Although, if you hear how the last line was sang, the beat fades from being upbeat. Now, to make you spazz over the song as well, here it is.

Your trojan’s in my head.

24/7

Waking up
and seeing you
at that time of the day
when coffees are brewed
and pancakes are tossed
is my favorite memory
of you, of us.

Holding you and
Letting you go
at that time of the day
when cigarettes are flicked
and beers overflowed
is the most haunting memory
of you, of us.

Lying awake
and realizing
(that you are never coming back)
at that time of the day
when roosters crow
and street lights lose their glow
is what hurts the most.

There’s no more you, no more us.

Not a beach person

Months of unintentional hiatus and honestly, I don’t know how to start writing this entry. Anyway, here it goes.

Last Wednesday, me and some friends from work went to Calaguas. (Calaguas, where? Here is a Wiki link on Calaguas) We wanted to save money, so we opted to go DIY. I planned our itinerary and budget, thanks to the help of travel bloggers who posted their experience of their Calaguas trip.

We went there by land via bus en route to Daet. We left Cubao at 9 in the evening, and alighted at Talobatib junction, the next day around 4.30 in the morning. From Talobatib, we were supposed to take a bus to Paracale, but apparently, buses bound to Paracale start picking up passengers at 7 in the morning, we decided to take a tricycle instead.

We arrived at the Paracale market at around 6 in the morning and shopped for supplies to be brought to the island. It is important not to forget the following items:

  • Water
  • Rice
  • Tent
  • Eating utensils (paper cup, paper plates, knife, spoon and fork)
  • Cooking utensils
  • Flashlight/Candles
  • Lighter
  • Charcoal
  • Canned goods (or raw meat for your viand)
  • Dishwashing liquid
  • Garbage bag

While shopping, I texted our contact person, kuya Nelson (he who owns the boats for rental), letting him know that we were already in Paracale. He waited for us to finish buying our goods and helped us look for potable water. A gallon of water costs P50 but you have to deposit an amount of P200 for the container.

From the Paracale market, we headed to the Paracale fishing port. Let me emphasize that it is a fishing port, so there are no waiting areas for passengers. Simply put, the port is simply a shore where fishermen dock their boats.

Since we are not campers, we do not have our own tent and cooking utensils. For the tent, kuya Nelson let us rent one of his and for the cooking utensils, he lent us some, thanks to his good-natured heart. Ha ha.

Calaguas is a two-hour boat ride from Paracale. Out boat ride experience was quite smooth, contrary to what other bloggers have experienced. And do not fret, the boat comes with life vests.

You’ll know you’re near when the silhouette of the islands become detailed, giving you a truly majestic view.

I seated myself in the most front of the boat, even though I was exposed to the sun, to give me an unobstructed perspective of the sea. How often do you see places such as these?

Ang ganda! We were shouting  and jumping when our boat finally docked because, with a sight like this, who’s not to go batshit crazy?

Our boatman even claimed that the water is so clear, you will still be able to see a coin even you are submerged neck-deep into the water. And it is actually true! Even though we didn’t try dropping a coin into the water, the water is indeed crystal, we can certainly see the color of our nail polishes of our feet!

After we have calmed down from our excitement, we looked for a cottage to settle to, set up our tent, and cooked brunch. Cottages range from P300-P350. Tent costs P300 (good for 4-6 persons)

After eating, we rested a little then went for a swim.


Calaguas is not developed commercially (and honestly, I hope it stays that way forever), so there are no bars or activities for you to enjoy, unless you bring your own booze or you bring your own sports equipment. The island has its own volleyball net, so you can bring a volleyball or you can bring your own skimboard or frisbee. You can also bring your own playing cards (just like what my friends did) or you can catch up on sleep and enjoy the fresh air (just like I did).

After swimming, you can wash yourself in the communal bathroom or go hardcore and experience bathing with a poso.

During night time, you can bask at the view of a, literally, star-studded sky. The lights from the cottages do not go off until 11pm.

Next day, the view pretty much stays the same. It is still breathtaking.

Also, during the morning, some locals sweep dried leaves off the shore. It is good knowing that locals do their part to preserve the beauty of the island.

Eventually, we have to snap back to reality, pack our bags and head home.

Our boatman (NOT kuya Nelson) claims he doesn’t know how to take pictures, but I suspect he is just aloof, heh. So we have to take turns in getting our group picture.

Parting is such a sweet sorrow.

Goodbye, wallpaper-isque view.

I am not a beach person because I do not tan nicely and I do not know how to swim (he he) but after this trip, I might have a change of mind. The hassle of the journey overly compensates the picturesque scene and the simple life Calagauas has to offer.

I hope Calaguas stays the same until I come back.

—-

Total damage: P2,500

All photos taken with a Vivitar EZ35 x Fujifilm Fujicolor 200

Kuya Nelson’s contact number is 09095259821

BetterDani2k13

I logged on to the computer only with the intention of changing my theme but thirty minutes later, I am still online. I am supposed to be reading these books about curriculum that I borrowed from the university’s library in prep for the resumption of classes, or maybe I am supposed to be sleeping but here I am typing this entry which I hope will make sense.

Since the year just started, let’s talk about New Year’s resolutions, shall we?

Though some or I think most people do not believe in New Year’s resolutions, I am actually one of the few who likes making them. It is nice to have something to look back to at the end of the year and maybe give yourself a high five for accomplishing some, if not all, of your resolutions.

Last 2012, I listed down 7 resolutions and looking back, I accomplished *drum roll please* TWO of them. Ha! No high fives, self. This year, I enrolled in graduate school and I got to jog (sort of) regularly with my workmates at the Marikina Sports Center (jogging is stress-relieving, I swear).

Even though that was a measly accomplishment, I will still list down my “BetterDani2k13” life plan a.k.a. this year’s resolutions.

  1. Save! And probably invest on a business venture.
  2. Learn how to drive. I believe driving is a skill that everyone should learn.
  3. Learn how to cook. Because I am a girl and society dictates domesticated roles for us women, one of which is cooking. LOLJK.
  4.  **

Number 4 is a secret resolution that I would like to keep to myself because it is very personal. This is the core of my 2k13 plan, and I hope I gather all the strength and courage to accomplish it.

Now why bother coming up with these resolutions if by the end of the year, only a few are accomplished? Doesn’t it come off as a self-made path for disappointment? Well, I guess I like the thought of having goals set at the beginning of the year which gives me a sense of direction for the chaos that is disguised as ‘life’. Not that I am saying that those who didn’t come up with their own New Years Resolution are doomed to have a fail life. The idea is relative, do not debate me on that matter. Ha ha.

A lot of people have shared, here on the internet, Neil Gaiman’s wish for 2013 so instead, I leave you with a note from Alan Navarra.

 

Dear 2012,

 

Our nights were a bit longer, and the days a bit crazier than usual:

tougher on the heart and mind, but great for the gut.

 

Fun for dreaming, fantastic for creating,

but kind of bad for long, sleeping hours.

 

You’ve made me thankful for new friends,

as we kept the real ones close,

and in touch with the ones that mattered most.

 

Made me settle down, smarter, and strong

when I was angry, stupid, and weak,

made me humble and silent when I had too much of me.

 

Made it okay to start all over again, to fall, and to fail.

Tested my faith when there was almost none left,

taught me that I should give more when I had the least.

 

I can see 2013 all shiny and fresh in the distance,

full of potential and wonder and a bit of

the wee ‘ol constant pressure.

 

When you hand me over, please put in a few good words for me?

 

I carry with me the best, the okay,

the shitty, and the worst that we had,

 

and hopefully next year

we’ll have the greatest of the good,

even the best of the bad.

 

Sincerely grateful and sober,

alan

Again, Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

This is supposed to be my year-end entry but I got excited posting it because the world didn’t end, not that I actually believed that it will. I wanted to write a more specific rundown of what happened the past year but that would rack my brains out, I am just not in the mood to do so. Ha ha. Looking back, though, 2012 has been an overwhelming year for me. It was a series of good, bad, and impulsive decisions but I. REGRET. NOTHING!

I just really want to greet you guys a Happy New Year.

Also, Happy Anniversary to my ~srs~ blog! Cheers! x

Happiness

Happiness is a cup of coffee and a really good book. Cliche as it may sound, this adage actually holds true. Speaking of books, happiness is finding out that Fight Club (the book), is more awesome than Fight Club (the movie). Happiness is crying over John Green’s The Fault In Our Stars, or learning something new from John Holt’s How Children Fail. Happiness is relating to an article at Thought Catalog, knowing that someone out there feels just the same.

Happiness is procrastinating over your school work and work load, yet getting things done efficiently on time. Happiness is impressing your classmates at grad school or having your help appreciated by your colleagues. Happiness is being told “very good” by your boss, though you initially didn’t have any idea what the compliment was about.

Happiness is finding new friends. Pigging out with them, getting fat with them (ha ha ha), exercising with them. Happiness is planning an out-of-town trip for your friends, knowing that they enjoyed it, making the trip extra special. Happiness is the question and answer that happens during “sessions”, getting drunk is just a bonus.

Happiness is the crazy policies that happens in the work place, adding spice to what seems to be a mundane workday. Happiness is having workmates support your crazy ideas, happiness happens in “such a lovely place.”

Happiness is surviving a day without eating rice, happiness is having your friends share their rice with you.

Happiness is joyrides with friends. Happiness is having intellectually-stimulating, debatable conversations. Happiness is psycho-analyzing your nonexistent lovelife. Happiness is supporting the decisions of your friends when it comes to love.

Happiness is welcoming another godchild. Happiness is being happy for a friend who just got into a relationship, after a long time. Happiness is seeing another friend get married, affirming your belief that true love still exists. (Ha!) Happiness is having a friend you can talk to anytime about your problems, especially if its about family, knowing they’ll always be there despite their busy life.

Happiness is your brothers who are, admittedly, cuter and more intelligent than you (ayan inamin ko na!). Happiness is better relationships with siblings, happiness is sharing things with your siblings. Happiness comes from a mother’s love, from a father’s love, in spite of your flaws as the eldest child, in spite of your flaws as a person. Happiness is your family, no one can tap that.

On a lighter note, happiness is having your films processed, tapping yourself at the back for how beautiful a random click of a shutter turned out. Happiness is your pictures, shot in film, getting liked on Facebook, pushing you to shoot more even though the said hobby is expensive. Happiness is having a friend who share your passion on your hobby, you do not feel weird pursuing film photography at all.

Happiness is receiving a message that says, “Breakfast tayo?”, agreeing to it, even though you are not a “breakfast person”. Happiness is being asked by someone to call the person up only to listen to their ringback tone which plays that Close Up jingle by Never the Strangers. Happiness is having someone call you and make you listen to Boyce Avenue’s Back For Good. Happiness is meeting someone at a train station early in the morning before you both head to your respective workplace, happiness is as simple as that.

Happiness is being strong with your convictions not to go back to the “familiar”, happiness is finding solace in solitude. Happiness is being a better person, thanks to life’s lessons taught both the hard and easy way. Happiness is believing in prayers, even though some prayers seems to be left unanswered. Happiness is your problems solved, happiness is your obstacles hurdled. Happiness is thanking God for another day to live this life. Happiness comes in big or small things. Happiness happens everyday.

Happiness is you reading this, knowing that the world didn’t end. Happiness is knowing that somehow, you made someome smile, because they found out that they were a part of someone’s happiness.

Post inspired by pseudoperfection.tumblr

On Passive-aggressiveness

I have heard of the term “passive-aggressive” a couple of times before but have not really understood what it meant until we discussed it in my Philosophy class last semester.

Passive–aggressive behavior is an umbrella term describing certain types of behavior in interpersonalinteractions. It is characterised by an obstructionistor hostile manner that indicates aggression, or, in more general terms, expressing aggression in non-assertive, subtle (i.e. passive or indirect) ways. It can be seen in some cases as a personality trait or disorder marked by a pervasive pattern of negative attitudes and passive, usually disavowed, resistance in interpersonal or occupational situations. – Wikipedia

It was also in that class discussion that I realized I was actually exhibiting passive-aggressiveness towards unwelcomed situations that happened to me during the past months. I intentionally became inefficient when it came to work and graduate school. Several times that I crammed my reports and papers because I was either out drinking with friends or I was out on vacation. I also pushed my body to its limit by sleeping in late and waking up early, waiting for it to become sick. This, for me, is somehow alarming because this is not my usual type of behavior. To top it off, during these passive-aggressive times, I was reading Chuck Palahniuk’s Fight Club!

“Maybe self-improvement isn’t the answer, maybe self-destruction is the answer.” – Fight Club

I was open on the thought of hitting rock bottom just so I could, cliche as it may sound, “feel something”. Good thing I took a break from all the stress-causing happenings in my life, or else, I might have actually hit rock bottom by now.

However, two weeks have passed since work and graduate school started and I can feel that I am, again, starting to become passive-aggressive towards my adulthood responsibilities. This morning, I almost did not report for work because I wanted to sleep more.

Once faced with trying situations, one has no other choice but to deal with it. The lessons learned from these obstacles are what makes a person, I just hope that I have a better way of coping with such difficult circumstances instead of being passive-aggressive towards them.