Little things

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I may have written in my previous blog post that 2015 was not as good as I hoped it would be but that doesn’t mean that I do not have anything to be thankful for the year that was.

Many of you would agree that one of the keys to a person’s happiness is to be grateful of the blessings he received no matter how little that is.

Evidences of being #blessed

To everyone who contributed to making my 2015 memorable, thank you! It was a rough ride, but having you made it all worthwhile. :)

 

 

 

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Year-ender

this is my nth attempt at writing this.

 

The thing is, I wanted to write something. It has been a year (!) since I have done so. It’s just that, I cannot find the right words to describe exactly how am I feeling right now. Which is… sakto lang.

A few weeks into December I was thinking that 2015 is a bad year. Before the year ended, a lot has happened which left me feeling cheated and disappointed. My self-esteem was at an all-time low, my affective state had hit rock-bottom.

Good thing it was the holidays because I was able to meet-up with my friends during most of its weekends. Yes, it was a form of escapism but in retrospect, it was what I needed.

Because, we may not have control on how a person makes us feel, but we have the choice to surround ourselves with the quality kind of people–those who appreciate our worth as a person.

So, after the musing, was 2015 still a bad year for me? Yes. HAHA. But who are we kidding? We cannot have an awesome year every year, that’s just not the way life works. What’s important is that at the beginning of another 365 days, we get to leave the bad and welcome the good.

Photo 26-12-2015, 9 27 55 PM

2015! Cheers! xx

What has kept me/is keeping me busy

I really wanted to write something here in my blog, just to give it a sense of existence. I would not say I was busy because I have a lot of time to bum around the house, especially since vacation has started. I guess, I have outgrown blogging (?). Although, I hope this writer’s block a.k.a. laziness that I’m going through is just a phase.

So, what have I been up to lately? I have been playing the guitar almost quite everyday. Assessing myself, I could say that I have improved my strumming skills because I have moved on past the up-up-down-down-up stage (ha ha ha). Unfortunately, I still can’t play bar chords.

Aside from that, I have been going out a lot lately. This is good for my personality because I just recently discovered that I am of the ESTP type. And let me reiterate that I did not get my personality type from an online quiz. I found out my personality type from a legit personality test. Did you know that I have the same personality type with Taylor Swift? What are the odds!

Anyways, I really wanted to start this project called, Commonplace Book. The internet has been a great avenue of discovering new information but to organize this information to your own liking is a challenge. If you will look at my phone you will see a lot of screenshots of poems, selected texts from articles, quotes, not to mention memes; that I have managed to collect over time. What I want is to store all of these in something tangible, hence a Commonplace Book. I already have a notebook ready (Moleskine, white, softbound, unruled) and a pen (0.3, green ink), what I lack is the motivation to start doing it! I could blame the heat because gawd this heat is unbearable, but mostly, I only have my attention span to blame.

I leave you with this.

Quick escape

Last month, me and some friends from college decided to take a quick break from the city life and go to Calaguas. It was my second time there and the place still has that sense of awe and wonder that pictures wouldn’t be able to express enough–you have to visit the place yourself.

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I was just fed up with what  was happening and all I wanted that time was to drop everything and well… escape. I am deeply grateful for this opportunity because it made me forget my problems even if it was just for a while.

What made this trip even more memorable was that I only spent P2,000! A real bang in the buck, should I say.

What I want for 2014

Hi! This year, I wouldn’t even attempt to come up with my list of New Year’s resolutions because 2013 made me realize that if I want things done, I should just go do it. Not that coming up with a list will prevent me from doing so. It’s just that, I am not in the mood to go nostalgic with the past or to contemplate on how my 2014 ought to be.

Anyway, I could say that 2013 and I had a good run, although I hit quite a number of bumps along the way. If there is anything I regret, it is being passive-aggressive in dealing with things and taking it out on my hair. Although, there’s no point in dwelling on that issue. I’ve learned my lesson, now its time to move on.

The point of this entry, really, is to come up with a list (ha!) of what I want for my 2014.

  • See new places, experience new adventures
  • Shoot more photos (in film)
  • Improve chord transition and strumming skills (finally learned how to play the guitar, after all those years)
  • Read more academic books
  • Discover new music to spazz to
  • Formalise, or simply enjoy reading more poems; and
  • Have more fun night-outs with friends

Basically, I want my 2014 to be a series of good WTF moments. I want to experience stories I could tell to my future kids (or grandkids) because what else would be the point of living, right? If not to experience what the world has to offer, whether it be good or bad, as long as it teaches us a valuable lesson.

Now my wish for all of you…

May you enjoy life and take it as it is. If there is anything the past year has taught me, it is to be unafraid of the uncertainties. As for you, I hope you find the courage to be undaunted of the unknown, too.

Cheers to the good life! xx

Surreal

I’ve only read about moments like these in books. We were drinking our beers, telling our stories, laughing at our mishaps. The night was young and everyone was enjoying each other’s company. Then, we found ourselves walking to the parking lot. We were bound to Tagaytay.

On the road, we played a game. Giving the most baduy terms of endearment, looking out the window in search of brands of cars, describing colors metaphorically. Facebook blue. Shit brown. Smiley Yellow. Period red.

Songs were sang. Oooohhh were added to the lyrics, meant as an inside joke. The original bulalohan place we intended to go to was closed, so we looked for one which was open 24/7. No one was prepared for the coldness in the mountains.

Coffees were shared. The bulalo was served. The steam coming from the pot was a homely sight. We ate, filled our bellies and warmed our bodies.

I slept during the drive back home. I woke up to the empty streets of the city, still groggy from the sleeplessness.

Friends bid their goodbye one by one, until it was my turn.

I’ve only read about these moments in books. I was glad and thankful I was able to live one.

Bigger than my body

Let me squeeze in a few of my thoughts before I drown myself from the workload that await me since I (sort of) procrastinated during the semestral break.

I was feeling like crap during the past weeks because of… some mistakes that I have committed. These mistakes have haunted me and have brought me an immeasurable amount of stress because admittedly, not much thought were given to my actions. I think it was the ~YOLO~ ruling over my mind, or maybe this is how quarter-life crisis actually feels.

One of the mistakes I have done is cutting my hair shorter as a passive-aggressive way of dealing with my problems. I’ve had short hair during my entire lifetime until last year when I decided to grow it out. I actually loved having long locks. However, recently it seems that I was angry at life and perhaps angry at myself, I took it out on my hair.

Aside from that, I spent my semestral break watching series like Awkward and Breaking Bad instead of doing more productive things like catching up on my Coursera classes or finishing a book. I do not regret finding refuge with Jenna Hamilton and Walter White, though. I guess, I was just not in the mood to process ~intellectual~ stuff.

Now, since life is constantly throwing lemons at me, I might as well make lemonades out of it. Earlier today, I realized that I should stop wallowing in self-pity and depression and instead, thank God for the things that I am able to enjoy now.

  • Like, my co-worker who said that I am “bigger than my body”. Although, I think this person meant is as a joke because I am of the petite frame, this actually holds true. The figurative and metaphorical I is indeed bigger than my literal body.
  • My advisory class who missed me and who would not stop badgering me for answers as to why I cut my hair.
  • For my co-workers who seemed so friendly and caring today.
  • For ~that~ Facebook post, just the kind of push that I need.

I know I have been very vague about what I wrote here but what I really want to say is, everyone feels like crap sometime but things will turn around for the better. I know this, because what else is there to now, right? :)

Suspension

Wow. It’s been a long time since I’ve written something here, eh? I refuse to think that I was busy, but in fact, I was. Although, I am not entirely sure if I was busy because of the right reasons, let’s just say that I was too preoccupied with ~life~ to write about my ~feelings~. Heh.

So what has happened the past months? I celebrated my birthday (and bought myself a bookshelf), got an award at work (awow!) and took risks, a lot of them.

I’m not sure if the risks that I took paid off or will pay off in the long run, but that’s the thing about risks, right? You take them regardless of the outcome, or else they wouldn’t be called risks! For the past years, I have been speaking of living in courage but in honesty, I have not been able to do that until recently. And you know what, stepping out of your comfort zone is liberating! At the end of the day, you could tell yourself that you tried, you may have failed, but you were brave, and that’s all that matters!

On the lighter scheme of things, I have been listening to poetry lately. Yup, LISTENING! I am a fan of poetry since forever, but not of spoken poetry until a co-worker asked me to listen to Rudy Francisco’s I Am Not a Love Poet. From there, I watched spoken poetry on YouTube, particularly Def Jam Poetry videos. I have a lot of favorites but this is the one I want to share with you. It’s called 40 Love Letters by Jeanann Verlee

You are more than I could ever put into a poem.

Believer

Today is a holiday and I want to write about a lot of things but it seems that I can’t organize them into coherence. I’ve deluded myself into thinking that I’m being productive during the past days but in reality I’m just being preoccupied. I’ve sort of fallen into the routine of things and I am not happy about it. Work-catch a movie-hangout with friends-read a book-eat out. Nothing is exciting and I am thirsty for adventure.

This will end up as a sad entry, so I am leaving you with…

BetterDani2k13

I logged on to the computer only with the intention of changing my theme but thirty minutes later, I am still online. I am supposed to be reading these books about curriculum that I borrowed from the university’s library in prep for the resumption of classes, or maybe I am supposed to be sleeping but here I am typing this entry which I hope will make sense.

Since the year just started, let’s talk about New Year’s resolutions, shall we?

Though some or I think most people do not believe in New Year’s resolutions, I am actually one of the few who likes making them. It is nice to have something to look back to at the end of the year and maybe give yourself a high five for accomplishing some, if not all, of your resolutions.

Last 2012, I listed down 7 resolutions and looking back, I accomplished *drum roll please* TWO of them. Ha! No high fives, self. This year, I enrolled in graduate school and I got to jog (sort of) regularly with my workmates at the Marikina Sports Center (jogging is stress-relieving, I swear).

Even though that was a measly accomplishment, I will still list down my “BetterDani2k13” life plan a.k.a. this year’s resolutions.

  1. Save! And probably invest on a business venture.
  2. Learn how to drive. I believe driving is a skill that everyone should learn.
  3. Learn how to cook. Because I am a girl and society dictates domesticated roles for us women, one of which is cooking. LOLJK.
  4.  **

Number 4 is a secret resolution that I would like to keep to myself because it is very personal. This is the core of my 2k13 plan, and I hope I gather all the strength and courage to accomplish it.

Now why bother coming up with these resolutions if by the end of the year, only a few are accomplished? Doesn’t it come off as a self-made path for disappointment? Well, I guess I like the thought of having goals set at the beginning of the year which gives me a sense of direction for the chaos that is disguised as ‘life’. Not that I am saying that those who didn’t come up with their own New Years Resolution are doomed to have a fail life. The idea is relative, do not debate me on that matter. Ha ha.

A lot of people have shared, here on the internet, Neil Gaiman’s wish for 2013 so instead, I leave you with a note from Alan Navarra.

 

Dear 2012,

 

Our nights were a bit longer, and the days a bit crazier than usual:

tougher on the heart and mind, but great for the gut.

 

Fun for dreaming, fantastic for creating,

but kind of bad for long, sleeping hours.

 

You’ve made me thankful for new friends,

as we kept the real ones close,

and in touch with the ones that mattered most.

 

Made me settle down, smarter, and strong

when I was angry, stupid, and weak,

made me humble and silent when I had too much of me.

 

Made it okay to start all over again, to fall, and to fail.

Tested my faith when there was almost none left,

taught me that I should give more when I had the least.

 

I can see 2013 all shiny and fresh in the distance,

full of potential and wonder and a bit of

the wee ‘ol constant pressure.

 

When you hand me over, please put in a few good words for me?

 

I carry with me the best, the okay,

the shitty, and the worst that we had,

 

and hopefully next year

we’ll have the greatest of the good,

even the best of the bad.

 

Sincerely grateful and sober,

alan

Again, Happy New Year!