I have heard of the term “passive-aggressive” a couple of times before but have not really understood what it meant until we discussed it in my Philosophy class last semester.
Passive–aggressive behavior is an umbrella term describing certain types of behavior in interpersonalinteractions. It is characterised by an obstructionistor hostile manner that indicates aggression, or, in more general terms, expressing aggression in non-assertive, subtle (i.e. passive or indirect) ways. It can be seen in some cases as a personality trait or disorder marked by a pervasive pattern of negative attitudes and passive, usually disavowed, resistance in interpersonal or occupational situations. – Wikipedia
It was also in that class discussion that I realized I was actually exhibiting passive-aggressiveness towards unwelcomed situations that happened to me during the past months. I intentionally became inefficient when it came to work and graduate school. Several times that I crammed my reports and papers because I was either out drinking with friends or I was out on vacation. I also pushed my body to its limit by sleeping in late and waking up early, waiting for it to become sick. This, for me, is somehow alarming because this is not my usual type of behavior. To top it off, during these passive-aggressive times, I was reading Chuck Palahniuk’s Fight Club!
“Maybe self-improvement isn’t the answer, maybe self-destruction is the answer.” – Fight Club
I was open on the thought of hitting rock bottom just so I could, cliche as it may sound, “feel something”. Good thing I took a break from all the stress-causing happenings in my life, or else, I might have actually hit rock bottom by now.
However, two weeks have passed since work and graduate school started and I can feel that I am, again, starting to become passive-aggressive towards my adulthood responsibilities. This morning, I almost did not report for work because I wanted to sleep more.
Once faced with trying situations, one has no other choice but to deal with it. The lessons learned from these obstacles are what makes a person, I just hope that I have a better way of coping with such difficult circumstances instead of being passive-aggressive towards them.